Sunday, August 1, 2010
The men your Ben could smell like
In honor of Isaiah Mustafa, a.k.a The Man Your Man Could Smell Like I've put together a list of the men that THIS man (me) wants to be, and could be if we lived in a world where good things happened to me (Well, that's not really where we live).
1. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
In case you've forgotten, there was once a little show called "Third Rock from the Sun" about a family of aliens posing as humans. JG-L played the teenage "son" and then more or less dissapeared after the show went off the air.
Then a little thing called "(500) Days of Summer" happened.
In case you've never had an actual conversation with me, to say that I love this movie would be an egregious understatement. It's the movie that I watch when my head has been kicked in by the opposite sex, it's the soundtrack I play at the bakery when senior citizens are inches away from pushing me over the edge and with every viewing the pure artistic perfection of the film becomes more apparent. Not to mention the fact that in it, our protagonist played by JG-L spars with none other than the captivating Zooey Deschanel.
I want to go there.
Still, before you could say "comeback" JG-L double fisted us a franchise-ready popcorn smash called GI Joe. A high-budget cg-bonanza that went on to score a couple hundred million dollars and seemingly set the stage for JG-L to be top villain dog when the unfortunate yet inevitable sequel graces the silver screen.
Even then I found myself thinkgin, "JG-L, good to have you back to the party. It's been too long." I thought, he seems like a guy I could hang out with, and I wondered where we'd see him next.
I won't go into it (expect a full review any day now) suffice to say that while my favorite single scene of last summer was (500) Days' "You're Making My Dreams Come True" sequence in the streets of L.A., my favorite single scene of this summer is, with a bullet, the Zero-G fist fight.
But JG-L doesn't stop there. He also finds some time in the middle of all that mind-numbing madness to snag a classy, bonus points kiss from my current celebrity crush Ellen Page.
So, to review. In two summers JG-L has come out of obscurity, starred in two of the best movies ever made, kissed two women that I would sell a kidney to go on a date with (speaking rhetorically, Zooey is married and I'm not that guy) and has been paid bank to do it.
Yeah, that's a man I could smell like.
2. Michael Cera
I've heard a lot of people say that they don't like Michael Cera because he's "the same in every movie." To me that's about as dumb as saying you don't like Baby Ruth bars because they always taste the same. There are three types of actors: method actors, character actors, and bad actors. Michael is the second, and certainly not the third, and simply put, he taste delicious going down every time.
The kid cracks me up. Whether he's George Michael battling incestuous feelings in Arrested Development, playing baby daddy on Juno (hello again Ellen Page), getting messed around by love in Paper Heart, or the straight bassist of a gay band lost in the city in Nick and Norah's.
Plus, for someone who wrote the book of awkward teens, he has bagged a staggeringly impressive list of cute-as-a-button costars: the above-mentioned Page, the cute-in-a-wierd-way-I-can't-explain Kat Dennings, to his costars in the upcoming Scott Pilgrim (can't wait for this movie) Anna Kendrick and Mary Elizabeth Winstead.
3. Matthew Morrison and Cory Monteith of Glee
Often as I am watching Glee (which I do often and all of you should do as well) I think to myself how the filming of that show is probably just one huge party. I want to go to that party.
Admittedly I'm torn as to which character I identify with more. In many ways I see Finn as the ghost of sing-a-longs past as he struggles to find his identity amidst the binding stereotypes of high school society. Will Scheuster on the other hand is the ghost of wardrobes future, I have no idea what marital trouble are like but man can that guy pull off a vest/cardigan/fedora/v-neck like it's nobody's business. Plus, that dude can sing.
In short, I want to date Jayma Mays and make sweet music with Lea Michelle (and no, there's not a pun there, I really do just mean sing a duet, or multiple duets).
Honorable Mention: Rupert Grint
Let's face it, this guy is ugly. I mean, butt-ugly. While the rest of the Harry Potter cast is aging somewhat nicely (everyone cross your fingers for little sis Ginny) Rupert's mug has progressively...interestified. Still, the all time low was during Film #4 so there's hope for him yet.
Why then, you ask, is he on the list? Because in the upcoming two part finale of the Harry Potter franchise this bugger is going to get paid some serious Euros to snog Emma Watson. Yeah, that's a man that I wouldn't mind smelling like.