Sunday, August 1, 2010

The men your Ben could smell like

In honor of Isaiah Mustafa, a.k.a The Man Your Man Could Smell Like I've put together a list of the men that THIS man (me) wants to be, and could be if we lived in a world where good things happened to me (Well, that's not really where we live).

In order.

1. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

In case you've forgotten, there was once a little show called "Third Rock from the Sun" about a family of aliens posing as humans. JG-L played the teenage "son" and then more or less dissapeared after the show went off the air.

Then a little thing called "(500) Days of Summer" happened.

In case you've never had an actual conversation with me, to say that I love this movie would be an egregious understatement. It's the movie that I watch when my head has been kicked in by the opposite sex, it's the soundtrack I play at the bakery when senior citizens are inches away from pushing me over the edge and with every viewing the pure artistic perfection of the film becomes more apparent. Not to mention the fact that in it, our protagonist played by JG-L spars with none other than the captivating Zooey Deschanel.

I want to go there.

Still, before you could say "comeback" JG-L double fisted us a franchise-ready popcorn smash called GI Joe. A high-budget cg-bonanza that went on to score a couple hundred million dollars and seemingly set the stage for JG-L to be top villain dog when the unfortunate yet inevitable sequel graces the silver screen.

Even then I found myself thinkgin, "JG-L, good to have you back to the party. It's been too long." I thought, he seems like a guy I could hang out with, and I wondered where we'd see him next.

Then...Inception happened.

I won't go into it (expect a full review any day now) suffice to say that while my favorite single scene of last summer was (500) Days' "You're Making My Dreams Come True" sequence in the streets of L.A., my favorite single scene of this summer is, with a bullet, the Zero-G fist fight.

But JG-L doesn't stop there. He also finds some time in the middle of all that mind-numbing madness to snag a classy, bonus points kiss from my current celebrity crush Ellen Page.

So, to review. In two summers JG-L has come out of obscurity, starred in two of the best movies ever made, kissed two women that I would sell a kidney to go on a date with (speaking rhetorically, Zooey is married and I'm not that guy) and has been paid bank to do it.

Yeah, that's a man I could smell like.

2. Michael Cera

I've heard a lot of people say that they don't like Michael Cera because he's "the same in every movie." To me that's about as dumb as saying you don't like Baby Ruth bars because they always taste the same. There are three types of actors: method actors, character actors, and bad actors. Michael is the second, and certainly not the third, and simply put, he taste delicious going down every time.

The kid cracks me up. Whether he's George Michael battling incestuous feelings in Arrested Development, playing baby daddy on Juno (hello again Ellen Page), getting messed around by love in Paper Heart, or the straight bassist of a gay band lost in the city in Nick and Norah's.

Plus, for someone who wrote the book of awkward teens, he has bagged a staggeringly impressive list of cute-as-a-button costars: the above-mentioned Page, the cute-in-a-wierd-way-I-can't-explain Kat Dennings, to his costars in the upcoming Scott Pilgrim (can't wait for this movie) Anna Kendrick and Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

3. Matthew Morrison and Cory Monteith of Glee

Often as I am watching Glee (which I do often and all of you should do as well) I think to myself how the filming of that show is probably just one huge party. I want to go to that party.

Admittedly I'm torn as to which character I identify with more. In many ways I see Finn as the ghost of sing-a-longs past as he struggles to find his identity amidst the binding stereotypes of high school society. Will Scheuster on the other hand is the ghost of wardrobes future, I have no idea what marital trouble are like but man can that guy pull off a vest/cardigan/fedora/v-neck like it's nobody's business. Plus, that dude can sing.

In short, I want to date Jayma Mays and make sweet music with Lea Michelle (and no, there's not a pun there, I really do just mean sing a duet, or multiple duets).

Honorable Mention: Rupert Grint

Let's face it, this guy is ugly. I mean, butt-ugly. While the rest of the Harry Potter cast is aging somewhat nicely (everyone cross your fingers for little sis Ginny) Rupert's mug has progressively...interestified. Still, the all time low was during Film #4 so there's hope for him yet.

Why then, you ask, is he on the list? Because in the upcoming two part finale of the Harry Potter franchise this bugger is going to get paid some serious Euros to snog Emma Watson. Yeah, that's a man that I wouldn't mind smelling like.


  1. Do you really have to insult a person you hardly know in that way! I am talking about Rupert Grint! How dare you call him UGLY! Man, you will really will face some serious shit if you keep this up. There is a dedicated fan base around that could shred you pieces and i mean that literally.

    Btw, Emma Watson is not all she is cracked to be. Rupert is GREAT! Why? because he has some serious acting talent. Can't say the same about your precious Emma. OK.

    Check his acting talent and his generous spirit and his down to earth personality before you go about making such serious accusations.

    Yes! I am a Rupert Grint fan and I am VERY proud to be one.

  2. Well then, Amu... Ben, once upon a time I made a list of the perfect combination of men and the Glee men and Joseph Gordon-Levitt all made the list. Good thinking!

  3. You are a horrible person, let's a pic of yourself we can all judge how you look, but jugding from your words you are ugly.

    I smell serious jealousy on your part. Jealous that he is rich and famous and jealous that you will never get the chance to kiss your precious Emma Watson, who is known by those who have worked on Harry Potter, to be a very self absorbed person.

    Never has there been a bad word said about Rupert or his acting or him as a person.

    You are the problem with the internet anyone with half a brain and a non-sensical opinion can have a blog.

  4. You're probably one of the few people out there who thinks Rupert Grint is still 17 years old. He's grown up to be quite sexy and many people including MEDIA agree. Why don't you check out recent news and maybe use a photo that isn't 5 years old. If you don't think this is sexy you are smoking crack buddy!!

  5. Anything witty or interesting you might have said was just flushed down the toilet by your remarks about Rupert Grint. We are all entitled to our own opinions, aren't we I suppose, but is there really a need to be so disrespectful though? I happen to think Rupert is the shit. I have friends that don't get what I see, but they certainly aren't calling him "butt-ugly". Likewise, I don't get what they see in Robert Patterson, but I pay respect where respect is due. There's no need for such insults. If you are so eager to throw stones, then I'm with tleo03, post your pic, let us have a chance to judge how you look . . . .