Friday, November 20, 2009

Shmide and Shmejudice


About a week ago I went to the library to get The Kite runner. Checked out.

I looked for The Lovely Bones. Checked out.

Needing a book and finding myself with a blank mind I finally caved in and got Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Snore.

I have been putting this off for years - partly due to my possession of a Y Chromosome and increased recently due to the parting of a rabid Austenite from my life - but in the face of dwindling alternatives I attempt now to get it over and done with.

It doesn't help that I already know, to excruciating detail, the progress and ending of this book. Thanks to the 700 film versions out there in the market (that means you too Carmen Rasmussen) I already know full well that Mr. Whickam is a dirt-bag, Mr. Bingely will return and marry Jane and Mr. and Mrs. indifference themselves (not what they posses, what I have for them) will get over their uppity self-assuredness and fall into a stupor of incandescently joyous love.

Spare me.

The one interesting thing that I've read so far has come from Charlotte Lucas (she's the "ugly" one) where she says:

"In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels."

You hear that boys and girls! Jane Austen, the author of the century in the book of the century just gave a shout-out to PONGING!

Now if only the nation of weeping girls who watch the barrage of cinematic P&P interpretations -- spooning mouthfuls of mouse tracks and woefully dreaming of the day their Mr. Darcy will appear -- would actually learn something from their muse.

1 comment:

  1. BAHAHAH "parting of a rabid Austenite..." Not the most sublte identifier in the world.

    Also, your description of the book was utterly fabulous. I also though Charlotte Lucas had the best and wisest remarks about love of anyone in the book. I personally think Jane Austen is responsible for the Disneyfication of society and the false belief of every girl that
    a) every good story must end with a wedding
    b) all your problems will be solved once you get married
    c) life doesn't really start until you get married, so until your prince charming arrives you should just wait around
    d) someday my prince will come, (and of course he'll be a majorly rich, hot dude with SOME kind of title, like Duke or EQ Pres) and when he does come we'll initially hate each other he'll be a total jerk (because we know that when a guy is mean to you it's because he likes you), but at the end he'll turn out to be a great guy.... uh yeah.

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