Sunday, July 5, 2009


I had originally planned on writing one of my customarily negative rants for my next post. I had plenty of topics: the ensuing boredom at family events of being the sole unwed child in your immediate family; how the fourth of July as whole caters to couples more than singles; the absence of a Will Smith action movie this summer; Utah Health Inspectors; the Swine Flu etc.
All of that changed, however, when the lights went out over Huntsville, UT and we were treated to one of the best displays of patriotic pyrotechnics that our small town has ever seen. Even in tough economic times the event planners spared no expense.

The wood family 4.O.J. celebration has certainly evolved over the years. Gone is the shantytown of tents in our backyard (props to Grandma and Grandpa for sleeping outside though), and in addition to missing individuals, whole families were M.I.A. this year. Leah, as obnoxiously obsessive on frequenting family events as ever, even left Australia behind (and her Husband during their first anniversary) to attend the festivities. And in probably the most revolutionary event of the year my mother and father purchased a propane grill (pictured above) bringing an end to a decades-long dependence on fire pit-roasted hot dogs as our one carnivorous indulgence of the year (we've even made some the Wood home!)

I love the fourth of July. I slept on the couch, was barraged by screaming childrein, was reminded over and over again of my status of solitaire, drank some root beer and got a warm fuzzy feeling while rockets exploded to the tune of "God Bless the U.S.A."

If you're on a parade float and you decide to squirt the crowd with water, bear in mind that anyone over the age of 11 would not think twice before slitting your throat.

If you're part of the Independence Day musical entertainment stick to country, classic rock, and patriotic songs. Nobody wants to hear a 14 year old girl's rendition of the Jonas Brothers on our nation's birthday.

If you work for the State Health Department and are trying to shut down the McKay family snow cone stand, I don't care if you are "just doing your job;" you're a vile and disgusting person.

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